Wednesday, October 10, 2012

I don't even know what's what anymore. Can don't do this tak, seriously? How am I supposed to concentrate at work when I don't even know what's happening outside? ARGH GAH. I don't even know what to say anymore lah. Fried, almost. Like the lack of sleep and then this.


Calming myself down. Shall leave for lunch soon instead.

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

at the end of the tunnel

So yes, Insyaallah, nothing will go wrong and by this time tomorrow, I will be officially employed. Not the most exciting job in the world but then again, as my boss says it, at the end of the day it's just a job. It helps to pass the time and pay the bills. Which is a huge reason why I'm doing this. Reality hits. And yeah, it can hit pretty hard. But I think the environment isn't bad, or at least I don't get that vibe (who knows, I will only know for sure once I'm there) so yeah.

It's sad and I guess I could have gone ahead and been a taken up the other position but... remember the things about bills? So yeap, they say that they're not forcing me and of course they aren't. It's just that, I can see what's necessary and what needs to be done.

I dun think I'm making a terribly wrong choice right now. Do I have regrets? Of course I do. Sometimes I hear stuff about a furniture fair and I think of what if. Or most recently when I walk pass that childcare center underneath my tutee's block, I feel a little sad. But then again, I don't know what I am expected to do here. I'll find my fun. I will. I have too.

And I'm grateful to the people around me, to Allah for giving this to me. He has something planned for me, I know that. I have faith in that. So let's see where this path takes me. Somewhere good? Or even if it's just a holding path until I reach that actual final destination? I'm sure that there are still so much I can learn while I'm here. Insyaallah.


Tuesday, March 27, 2012


heh, start of the new week brings with it a whole different set of realities. life just sucks that way.

hang in there. that's all I have the energy to say right now.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

relaxing over the weekend

so usually, every Sat morning I'll rush out of the house early and spend 2 hours teaching Maths to a really nice, if a bit passive, 15-year-old girl. Wasn't the case yesterday. Went out even earlier then usual so that I can make my way to Sengkang.

What did I do there? Kayaking :) 22nd March was declared World Water Day and to celebrate, PUB organised a whole bunch of water related events on the 24th. Such as when I went Kayaking at Sengkang yesterday. Had a fun morning on the water and I thought the weather was fantastic. Sunny but not too humid such that you sweat because of the heat and exertion as compared to sweating coz of the humidity.

Spend like 3 to 4 hours after that just chatting with everybody. Really was a good time.

And today, wanted to go to the library but the heavy rain is making it impossible. So here I am, enjoying the cool weather and blogging at home. Haha. Seriously though, no better way to spend a Sunday I feel. And, staying at home is a good way to recover from the slight muscle aches from yesterday's event. Hahaha.

yay <3

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Of games and (molten lava) chocolate cakes

Actually, let's talk about the chocolate cakes first. Haha. Went over to 3 Inch Sin for their molten lava cakes today. Cluny Court's outlet closing down so we decided to give it one last visit. Will have to go to the millenia walk outlet sometime in the future :))

Anyways, wahhhh, those cakes are still as good (and as fattening!!) as ever. Still a good pick me up that's for sure. I don't think I can eat it like every week since I'm not a super chocolate fan but every once in a while? Definitely. It's really, really good molten lava cake. That meltiness as u break thru the crust... *sighs in happy joy* Yay to chocolate cakes!

Moving on to gamessssss! First of all, Dangan Ronpa is like the best. Why isn't there an English release of it? And like why don't I have a PSP. I tell you if I have money and like Dangan Ronpa comes out in English (or maybe I should just really, really push myself and study my kanji and buy the Jap game) I will buy a PSP just to play the game. Or would be nice if they port it to the PSVita then at least I can get a newer, (hopefully) more relevant console as opposed to the PSP. Not that PSP is becoming obsolete (ok fine laugh. I know everybody's saying that it is becoming obsolete).

But going back to Dangan Ronpa. It's awesome wrapped in amazing wrapped in so much fun! Sure, there's plot holes but there always are. However, it is still a well-written, entertaining and full of amazing twists game. The characters are probably the best aspect of the game though. They are well-developed (admittedly some more than others) and funny and there's always something more to them beyond the initial stereotypes that you might have gotten during character intro. I realise I'm not explaining things very well LOL, but well

tl;dr I love this game called Dangan Ronpa and I wish I can play it myself OMG but I can't coz it hasn't been translated/localised and it's a PSP game. Well-written, entertaining, twisty with the best characters.

Enough unsubstantial gushing! What is the game about? It's a Japanese mystery adventure/horror game. I guess that's the best genre to categorise it under. Plotwise, "Fifteen super-elite students have been locked in the school and they are forced to live in this isolated community. There is a special rule for the students: only murderers can graduate from the school, and this rule turns the prosperous school into a place of despair. The protagonist, however, does not follow this rule. He investigates murders instead of murdering somebody and tries to figure out a way to escape from the school."

I love games. I love mystery, adventure and thriller kind of stuff so the plot definitely caught my eye. When I saw the actual game and how everything is put together, man I wish I owned a PSP and could play this game. Plus, the art is super pretty. Seriously. Very anime/manga yes, but doesn't make it any less pretty. Characters look good (or at least interesting) and the background and stuff are just really, really nice to look at. 


Another plus: the main villain (or at least the avatar of the main villain) is an evil, despair-inducing black and white teddy bear. With a voice that Japanese ppl would recognise as the voice of Doraemon. Seriously, maximum despair. Anyways, watch the trailer. It gives you an example of the art, how things go on and elements of game play.

Looks cool? Then check out this link for a damn fun cutscene from the game. 

Anyways, if you wanna find out more about the game or watch somebody play through it, check out this guy's playthrough of the game: Dangan Ronpa Let's Play. Basically, the OP's translating it from the original Japanese game to share it with us non-Japanese speaking people. Check out the thread and read through the game updates. It will probably eat up like at least one whole day of your life (won't be so bad if you properly pace yourself and like not marathon the whole thread) but it's WORTH IT! 

Bottomline, I love the game characters. They are just so interesting and engaging and pretty multi-faceted. And the writing is really, really good. The art is interesting and pretty. Basically all the elements of a good game right there. So ya, just go check out the Let's Play of Dangan Ronpa already. Prepare for an amazingly fun ride.

Done gushing. Wayyyyy too long an entry already. Shall stop here now. Hahaha. Post title should probably be changed to Of Dangan Ronpa and (molten lava) cakes instead of games in general. Ok fine, couple more stuff so that I can justify the title... 

I've just started playing Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney (finally Siti. WHY DID YOU WAIT SO LONG TO START PLAYING THIS GAME?). fun fun fun! I like the idea of The World Ends With You (TWEWY) but I have no hand-eye coordination so I don't think I can handle the dual screen. Highly considering playing through 9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors, but I'm too lazy to play/solve some of the harder puzzles in the game. *smacks self* It does seem interesting though and I know that reviews are mostly positive so I guess I'll get round to it. Just let me finish the Phoenix Wright games first. 

These games are fun coz they're different from my usual casual games, like the "Dash" series of games. Previously, the closest to these particular genre of games that I've played would be jRPG in the form of the Mega Man Battle Network series so  I guess I'm just really happy at having discovered new, genres of awesome games. 

Here's to more gaming in my future. HAHAHAHAHAH.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Hello again

As usual, too long a break between entries Siti. Too long a break. And the worst thing is that I haven't been writing so it has been a long, non-writing break. I'm not the best of writers yes, but I'd like to think I'm a writer.

Is it any wonder I'm feeling those dredges of negativity. I mean sure, the negativity is caused by everything that's been happening these long, long, long 8 months.

and it has been a damn long 8 months. But I should have written something. anything. a blog entry. that chapter I've been putting off forever. that new story I wanted to write. something. anything. something that is not my resume. something that is not a cover letter.

and wow. I've finally managed to cry. That feeling at the back of my mind? Have been feeling it for damn long now. my period is not coming again (sorry if that's a TMI). My face is breaking out at a rate that I have never experienced before. NEVER. I've never been one of those girls to get breakouts. And I've been gaining weight. thanks a lot. So yes, that's how stressed and how much negativity I've been keeping inside but I haven't been able to cry. And I write 1/2 a blog entry and the tears start rolling down, and i start to choke out sobs. So Siti, see how much you've been torturing yourself?

Huh, never saw it that way tbh. I have been actively engaging in self-torture. I have been keeping things to myself for way too long. I haven't cared about the fact that I need to express myself. To the point that I haven't been able to cry. Well, let this be a turning point.

Good things happen to those who wait. But I have been waiting for way too long. Yet, I have no idea of what I can do to move on from here. Still feeling lost. But... maybe a little bit better. This thing is more therapeutic then I ever gave it credit for. Me, who has been writing, for leisure, in one form or another since I was 14.

So the objective of today's post has changed. I guess it was going to be more of a self-defeatist rant. A post about how helpless and terrible and all that, that I'm feeling. How much of a burden I feel I am. The disappointment after disappointment. I think I've written something much better instead. Self-reflective. And I hope self-understanding. And, it's time I stopped thinking about regrets. Instead, and this is terrible cliched, I should learn from that regret. I mean I'm still feeling the bad stuff, it's just seen through more self-reflective eyes.

I think I have an idea of what I wanna do. Now, it's time to convince people that yes, I would be awesome at it. OMG yes, I can be awesome at it. I need to believe that. I NEED TO BELIEVE IT.

Let's see how I convince them eh. I need to stop waiting. Let's try that ok girl?

shall end this here. am gonna post on sth a little bit more fun (DANGAN RONPAAAAAA!! PHOENIX WRIGHTTTT!! GAMESSS!!) tomorrow I guess? I need to pace out the postings. Otherwise I'll rant about the same old thing. Oh and I'm going to eat chocolate cake tmr so tmr's definitely the happy things post. Insyaallah.

I love my family. I love my friends. They have been so patient with me on this long painful journey. No end in sight now, but I hope it will come soon. And I really miss my niece and my nephew. 2 days with them is not enough!

I want to lose weight.
I want to clear my skin.
I want to exercise more.
I want to have that end in sight. I can't wait to see that end. Insyallah, things will happen. Insyaallah. *positive thoughts**positive energy*

tired, a little jaded and frantically wishing for better things.

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Thoughts about moving

1. Really? Is the contractor asking for another extension on the completion deadline again? Really, really? I don't care about your internal issues, main point here is that you were the one who promised us that you will be done by this date, after already asking for an extension once. DON'T MAKE IT SEEM ALL WEIRD THAT WE'RE ALL PACKED UP AND READY TO MOVE. You guys are at fault for not meeting the deadline.

2. (all packed and with plenty of space in her room) Living out of a suitcase/travelling bag? Fun! It's like I'm at a camp or on a trip, but with my own mattress and pillows and everything :)

3. (Upon stepping into new room) Awesome!! The colours are just so damn pretty!! Woohoo. Definitely good choices. Woohoos!! And the wood laminate flooring is that kind of floor which will sound damn awesome when you walk on them in high heels....... Not that I'm planning to do that mind you.

4. Kitchen colours are nice too! If only they'd finally finish up the cabinet tabletop. Argh.

5. Love the toilet floor and wall tiles. Cous and I picked well!

6. Bounce bounce bounce on the mattress. New bed and new mattress.

7. (After things have been moved in and boxes are piled sky high in the centre of her room. Going to the bed means going through an obstacle course and there is barely even any room to lie the suitcase down flat.) Damn it. Living out of a suitcase? NOT FUN!

8. Right... There's never a good time to fall sick but this is an even worst time then usual. Thanks a lot immune system. Just what I needed while settling in to the new house: a good dose of the flu. ARGH.

9. When I'm sick, I'm cranky. When I'm sick and my room is not a calming place to be in (because of the mess of boxes, double argh) I become a bitch with a trigger-hair temper. It's like, high tolerance level? What's that? My family can attest to that. I still stand by the point that even though I was a lot more irritable than usual, they were kinda asking for it because it was super fricking annoying. And it was just beyond my tolerance level at that point in time. Argh. Scratch that, make it triple argh.

10. Yeap, still sick and cranky. But with ppl coming (mommy, step-father, sis, aunt and the kids, brother and the babies), had to make sure I had more control over the temper. Sigh. Helped a lot that even when everybody had arrived and are making a lot of noise, I was tired and felt poorly and so was able to take a 1/2 hour nap in the afternoon. Woke up feeling better equipped to handle everyone.

11. Best thing? Despite all the busy-ness etc, still had time to watch tennis (serious)and fangirl over fave tennis player (not serious). As in, I watch tennis for the fun of watching tennis but after maybe an hour of watching seriously, the fangirl-ing just happened naturally. I mean, how can I not when Kei was having such a fantastic week in Basel? Sure, like him, I too wished he was playing Novak at his best, but a win is a win is a win! And the finals of a 500 event! Seems appropriate since he was at the semi-finals of a 1000 event. It's like 1 step down tournament level-wise, so he should be able to go at least one step further, ie the finals.

Pity about the match with Roger though, but I guess he should look forward and think about how he can beat him (or at least play a much more even game) the next time they meet. I mean, Kei plays very well against Rafa. Lost yes, but both times, they were hard-fought events. He should at least strive to be able to play that well against Roger and Andy Murray. And Novak too when he's at 100%.

12. Why am I even typing this post at this time of the night? Seriously, I have a pounding headache. Washing machine, please please please be done soon.